Wednesday, April 13, 2016

A Last Word

Some of you know I lost my husband just a few weeks ago, on February 29.  The next day I looked back and said, "That's the lowest point in my life," and, with the help of family and friends, I kept moving.  It has been hard, it has been painful, but there was a light in my tunnel--distant, dim, flickering--but a light.

I continued my blog and my FB page, because it filled 3 or 4 hours in my suddenly empty days; it forced me to focus.

Yesterday, I found out that I am not eligible for my husband's full monthly police officer's retirement benefit.  I've been broke before--who hasn't--but there was always a way out and around it..a tweek here, a month of peanut butter and ramen there, skipping an outing to save gas, a minimum payment on a bill, you know the drill.  But this gap is too big to fill with a tweek or ramen, and it is permanent with no way out.

With the full retirement coming in, I could have survived.  I wasn't going to have a new car or travel, but I could pay my bills, take care of my dogs, and buy groceries.  With the greatly reduced amount, I will be losing everything: my home, the trappings of 32 years of marriage, my life as a human being.

Emotionally bereft, financially bankrupt, I just can't work up any real outrage at our political leaders, so I'm closing down my blog and my FB page.

I thank everyone who has followed and commented and posted.  Please, keep fighting.

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